…but really though.

You know what term/thought process always rubbed me the wrong way?

Sloppy Seconds.

Now…now before you judge and begin to wonder where the hell this is going , bear with me.

I always see or hear it used in the same instances.

Let me start with the worst.

The Phantom Sloppy Seconds

“Nah son I’m not doing it because I heard someone hit!”


“I dunno I just heard….”

(-_-). Not to air it out but a friend of mine just refused to even bother with a girl we both know who was throwing it to him on a go route. He had the corner beat by like 5 steps but he didn’t want that box touchdown. Because she is an alleged whore. That no one can verify. Oh.

He was clearly concerned that other PEOPLE we knew drummed her when in REALITY…they probably did not. He more than likely even USED the term sloppy seconds. Foolishness.

Don’t let some shit you can’t verify separate you from someone you’re interested in. If your energy is right , you can feel people out. You can tell who’s good for you and who just isn’t if you just….allow yourself to feel it. Always held true for me and I’m a regular dude. This isn’t just in a romantic aspect either.

Your Ex is getting plowed/plowing someone new and you are bitter Sloppy Seconds.

Now , you’ve either done this or know someone who did. You become aware that a past conquest/bae/boo/lover/wifeyyyyyy/hubbyboo has someone new. Perhaps you even know that person. You hiding those tears as you bark out….


Your soul bleeding when you say that shit….but it sounds cool. You think you got the world fooled; you do not.

If you didn’t care , you wouldn’t say some extra salted popcorn shit like that. But it happens allll the time. Face it: someone will be after you just like someone was before you. Sometimes it’s tough to accept they’ve moved on; sometimes it isn’t. Either way….don’t play yourself like this! They are not your “sloppy seconds”. Just someone from your past. Now go watch a funny movie or something and lighten up.

and finally….

“That’s My Dude’s Old Jawn But She Bad Doe But He Said Its Okay So Yeah” Seconds

No. Just no.

If he liked her?? Like had feelings?? Don’t do this avoidable shit to yourself.

Dudes ALWAYS lie in this situation because they don’t want their friends to think they are “soft” or “cuffing” when in all reality….asking your friend to not penetrate someone you once/still love is….A PERFECTLY FINE REQUEST.

But thats hindsight. At 20 , this isn’t such a clear choice. After that though……the excuse disappears.

I can speak to this because I’ve been on both sides of . I passive aggressively said I had a problem with it as opposed to “FOH I’LL KILL YOU”…which is what I felt on the inside. Long story short , it didn’t really go anywhere cause he fumbled the cooch in the 4th quarter and I ended up exacting revenge indirectly in the future. BUT YEAH…… situations like these are bullshit from top to bottom. No idea if women end up in this sorta spot (and if so….lemme know in the comments.) To get back to the point , these type of “seconds” situations have far too many awkward subplots.

I’m not talking about you weirdos who share girls with your dogs. Unless you dunking groupies and yall popular or something this shit has always made me kinda cringe. I could NEVER and I LOVE my inner circle. We have plenty in common ; the same snooches is just two feet past where I wanna go. If y’all dont care and the person yall about to share doesn’t care…well shit….cook. JUST DONT ASK ME TO GET INVOLVED …YUCK MAN.

Before I go let me say this:

We are all Sloppy Seconds. Me. You. The girl who rung up your Funnyuns tonight. The bartender dude. Unless you 13 years old , whoever you meet has had someone else in the past. If that’s keeping you up at night….you have bigger issues at hand. No one wants untouched snow. Unless the prospect of sex being reduced to sliding up and down on top of a surfboard is your kind of scene. If it is……..cool. It’s 2013….Robby isn’t judging.

real real late.

Being single when you weren’t (on again off again) for quite a few months is extremely awkward.

It’s not so much how drastically things change (although that sucks too). It’s more of the readjusting to the sort of tail-spin it puts you in. Before I go further , lemme say this: I didn’t get dumped. I ended it. Which kind of opens up a different set of feelings and circumstances which go from guilt , to melancholy , to anger until youre at peace with everything.

What’s been the worst part for me is that “washed out” feeling that splitting leaves you with. It kinda lingers. It’s not even that youre “sad”.We broke up in October ; I felt this way mid November. You just feel kind of “meh” towards a lot of shit. That kind of dismissive feeling towards things then in turn makes you question if you really like anything around you. I’m talking friends…books….games…things that bring you pleasure. Taking away something that somewhat kept you fueled forces you to look at yourself and your environment in a much more honest way.

It’s also kind of weird with women too. There’s the ones who dug me when I was involved and I either A) knew and didn’t entertain it nor did I care or B) I had no idea. The thing is I’ve always prided myself on giving you what you deserve as it comes to truth and facts. If they said “You dont talk to me anymore…” I very clearly said why that was.It’s not like I particularly ran back to ’em after being single either. I had no desire to do so (and my desire for such is up and down as we speak.). For the girls who I just “didn’t know” , it is what it is. Seeing eyebrows raise when I say “yeah that situation is over” then literally seeing the Thirstometer raise doesn’t really warm my soul. I’m not telling you to “up my stock” per se; I’m telling you cause it goes in the flow of the conversation.

As I kinda stumble through this point in life (right on time for me to feel weird and uncomfortable…I’m 25 on Feb 14th aka a lil over 2 weeks from now) , I’ve found myself cutting a lot of stuff out. I stopped eating so much bullshit ( I ate pizza like a Ninja turtle….its been weeks), don’t hang out with people I don’t like , don’t talk to people who bring me stress and idiocy etc. Reading and relaxing more. Looking for a new job…all of that.I think the key to me feeling more “stable” is whittling life down to things that matter and freeing myself of things that don’t. I’ve also been “praying” but not in the typical sense (Robby’s religious views= a whole other post). I also no longer entertain passive aggression. Before all of this , I was very much an “on the fence” guy. Since, I’m very clear on my desires and what point I wanna put forth. Not in this post though. I’m all over the place. Ugh.

Shit is weird right now. But bare with me. Just trying to take my time and feel everything out. I’d like to believe things are coming together on all fronts. As long as I continue to be mindful of who I am and what it is I want from life.

the innanet goin nuts.

A few years ago I was dating/messing around/who knows with someone. Now this was a light , fun situation. Respect and smiles and all that. We never really beefed (maybe because it wasn’t super serious). Point is , it was a good time. I was like 19-20 and so was she.

So summer ended and we had to return to our rightful schools. We remained cool but kinda left it where it was due to circumstance. No big deal to either of us. Now , in this time at school a certain website was picking up steam.

That website???

If you weren’t in the loop  then , Juicy Campus was a gossip site based on colleges. It separated each school into message boards , where rumors and such were posted.  In hindsight , this shit is childish. In like 07-08 , THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT IN ITS PUREST FORM! Not to mention that some of these “rumors” were factual.

Anyway , I kinda always desired to make Juicy Campus for some lewd shit. I would’ve took some hate too…I didn’t get enough of that in college. Alas , Juicy Campus superstardom was not in the cards for me. However , one night , I had the BRIGHT idea to type her name into the search box and see what came up. I went to her school (no I’m not telling you) and put her info in. I hit “enter” and braced myself……

There were 1 or 2 results. One had no mention of her. But the other said…..


STUNNED , IS WHAT YOUNG ROBBY WAS! Yet I still clicked out of pure curiosity. I know the internet is something you have to take with a grain of salt but….I believed this. I clearly had my reasons. There she was in a list of about 15 girls. Being that we were already done for the most part…I wasn’t tripping. I laughed. Connected the dots because SAID ACT was PRETTY GOOD but GOODBYE. I then got paranoid right after like….Rob….if she doing it enough that she damn near in the internet hall of fame for it…perhaps you should get checked ASAP.

So I did it. Peed in that cup from three point range and bought it right back to the school clinic. Funny thing about the clinic: If I ever walked by and saw you in there? I assumed you had the clap. Every time. I don’t care.

With my FANTASTIC luck , of course the nurse helping is maybe a year or two older than me and she is BAD. So here I am , getting tested , with a light skin princess holding my piss cup. She also decided to test my blood. She pricked my finger and I jumped like a bitch. She gave me the coldest “I might’ve been slightly interested but you here getting a STD test AND you soft like baby shit.” I just let that blood drain and slid up outta there.

Thankfully I came out with a clean bill of health. This situation didn’t make me paranoid or anything either. I’m definitely not one of those “IMMA GOOGLE THIS GIRL!” dudes. Make sure your girl ain’t on HGF though. 0_0!