Jealousy, also a male trait.

 

How would you feel  if someone you were dating and really liked, had a crush on someone famous, and that person was….accessible? I don’t mean “he retweeted her once”, I mean, they’ve met, or he frequents the same clubs she does, or even lives in your city. Would you care, or would you just brush it off?

Let me just save you some time: I cared. I cared for a very long time.

From about the time I was 19, I wanted to be in the music industry. I was always into music, but I couldn’t rap, sing, make beats, or play any instruments. Thus, I always wondered where and how I would fit in. I eventually found my way.

Working towards this dream, and talking all over the internet about being in the industry, thrusts you into different circles. Now I’m amongst like minded individuals, who want to do things in entertainment, in journalism, who like being in those scenes. And some of them are hot girls. A LOT OF THEM, ARE HOT GIRLS.

One would think that if you’re dating women who are constantly amongst famous and handsome dudes as part of their careers, maybe you’d have your jealousy under control beforehand.

LOL.

 

About 4 years ago, my girlfriend and I were talking about when she interviewed A$AP Rocky. She started giggling and talking about how he dresses and my jealousy switch flipped to ON. She saw me tensing up and she said “Oh Robby, come on. He was just really nice to me. Ferg is the one who made me blush!” She laughed at me, at how ridiculous I was being over all of this. She kept teasing me then gave me a kiss, so I would stop being so jealous. I immediately thought “WOWWWWWW I gotta give up A$AP now?? This love shit is COSTLY!” This was just the beginning.

In the summer of 2014, me and my relatively new date were walking around LES, trying to get a drink or 3. We end up bumping into her friends and they all decide to go to Beauty and Essex. If you’ve never been, it’s pretty nice in there, and I had only heard of it up to that point, so why not? We get in, we talk and drink a little, everything is cool. We go in the back to the couches and sit down, and there is where things went left.

In walks Mack Wilds. You know who Mack Wilds is (or you should). He’s an actor, singer, and most relevant of all to this story, he’s from NYC. Now I knew beforehand that my date had a tremendous crush on him, but I didn’t know how deep it went.

When she saw him, I kid you not, she started reapplying her lip gloss and checking her make up and hair. She was also hyperventilating. This situation is now in the red, and I don’t know what to do. I legit remember the sweat forming on my brow, and me thinking “AM I ABOUT TO GET MY DATE STOLEN BY SON FROM THE WIRE???”. I strongly thought about just leaving her ass in there, but I didn’t feel like that was a real way to go about it. I let it play out; he didn’t come over or say anything. We eventually left, I told her bye, and I got up outta there. She apologized soon after, and we even kept dating after that, surprise! Still, that shit was harrowing. I really don’t feel threatened by other dudes, but I felt threatened as HELL that night. I also liked his album! And The Wire! And The Breaks!

There was the girl who just LOVED Jesse Boykins III. Not to trivialize her as just some girl who was obsessed with a singer; I liked her a lot, and that feeling was mutual. I’m also a fan, but her tendency to constantly bring him up started to rub me the wrong way. On one date, she just went off on this tangent about how he just moved to Brooklyn, and how she hoped they’d cross paths. I mentally checked out and let her go on…until I just decided I had enough. She tried to make it seem like she wasn’t doing too much, and I was kind of uncomfortable for the next half hour or so. Now that I think of it, I’m starting to wonder if she was trying to make me feel….jealous? If so, she succeeded. After we stopped dating (it ended poorly), I kind of avoided his music for a while, because I actually couldn’t deal with it.

But why am I like this? What was I afraid of? Is my ego set so that I couldn’t deal with losing a girl to someone famous? Maybe I didn’t really believe in myself. I think once your self esteem gets to the right place, you tend to not move so fearfully. Crushes are crushes; this doesn’t mean they’ll be acted on. I feel like a part of it can even be an inferiority complex, where you feel you can’t match up. In my experience, those girls liked me enough to not just choose someone else over me, and maybe I shouldn’t have sweated it so much.

I shouldn’t have let jealousy get to me. I never acted out, but I spent a lot of time behind the scenes, quietly upset and fearful that I’d lose out to someone who was just more….everything, than me. I think what I had trouble grasping, was that women can sometimes see you as much more than you appear; you can be more than your outward appearance, your job, your social status. If a woman really feels strongly about you, it’s not as likely that she’ll just discard you for a famous dude. I feel like that’s a lot of guys’ worst nightmare, but I’ve looked it in the eyes a few times, and I’ve come out better for it. Don’t be afraid of her celeb crush sending a tweet and sweeping her off her feet while you’re at your regular ass job; she probably really likes you and values you more than him. Just treat her right, listen, and don’t answer her questions with a question; you’ll be ok.

the innanet goin nuts.

A few years ago I was dating/messing around/who knows with someone. Now this was a light , fun situation. Respect and smiles and all that. We never really beefed (maybe because it wasn’t super serious). Point is , it was a good time. I was like 19-20 and so was she.

So summer ended and we had to return to our rightful schools. We remained cool but kinda left it where it was due to circumstance. No big deal to either of us. Now , in this time at school a certain website was picking up steam.

That website???

If you weren’t in the loop  then , Juicy Campus was a gossip site based on colleges. It separated each school into message boards , where rumors and such were posted.  In hindsight , this shit is childish. In like 07-08 , THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT IN ITS PUREST FORM! Not to mention that some of these “rumors” were factual.

Anyway , I kinda always desired to make Juicy Campus for some lewd shit. I would’ve took some hate too…I didn’t get enough of that in college. Alas , Juicy Campus superstardom was not in the cards for me. However , one night , I had the BRIGHT idea to type her name into the search box and see what came up. I went to her school (no I’m not telling you) and put her info in. I hit “enter” and braced myself……

There were 1 or 2 results. One had no mention of her. But the other said…..

“Best (SEXUAL ACT GIVERS) at (HER SCHOOL)?”

STUNNED , IS WHAT YOUNG ROBBY WAS! Yet I still clicked out of pure curiosity. I know the internet is something you have to take with a grain of salt but….I believed this. I clearly had my reasons. There she was in a list of about 15 girls. Being that we were already done for the most part…I wasn’t tripping. I laughed. Connected the dots because SAID ACT was PRETTY GOOD but GOODBYE. I then got paranoid right after like….Rob….if she doing it enough that she damn near in the internet hall of fame for it…perhaps you should get checked ASAP.

So I did it. Peed in that cup from three point range and bought it right back to the school clinic. Funny thing about the clinic: If I ever walked by and saw you in there? I assumed you had the clap. Every time. I don’t care.

With my FANTASTIC luck , of course the nurse helping is maybe a year or two older than me and she is BAD. So here I am , getting tested , with a light skin princess holding my piss cup. She also decided to test my blood. She pricked my finger and I jumped like a bitch. She gave me the coldest “I might’ve been slightly interested but you here getting a STD test AND you soft like baby shit.” I just let that blood drain and slid up outta there.

Thankfully I came out with a clean bill of health. This situation didn’t make me paranoid or anything either. I’m definitely not one of those “IMMA GOOGLE THIS GIRL!” dudes. Make sure your girl ain’t on HGF though. 0_0!