The Return of #AskRobby.

It’s been 3 years since I’ve done #AskRobby. Three whole years. A lot has happened since. I will use this time to answer random questions I fielded off of #TheTwitter.

Grew up in Brooklyn, live in Queens, if y’all dont know.

Brooklyn was the shit growing up. Brooklyn is now a gentrified shell of itself, that I am complicit in, because I still hang out there and spend money there. It’s still beautiful out there, and definitely safer than it was when I was a kid, but its still very jarring, and I feel like shit if I really think about it. I really do wanna move back next year, but I don’t wanna be on the outskirts.

Queens is nice and quiet and mostly safe. But it’s far as shit from everything. It has, however, retained more of its soul than Brooklyn has; this won’t be true for long, as Astoria and LIC have become destinations. I love both places but its crystal clear where my heart lies. I really do have a thing for NYC, but I sometimes think I really need to leave it behind. With that said, the things that are happening with my writing career, I pretty much benefit from staying here. Conundrum!

First off, this shit ain’t happening.


But if it does, I’m gonna be somewhere biting a hard copy of Keef’s “Finally Rich” in half. Right down the middle. Like a Hungry Hungry Hippo who’s a fan of a mediocre team that causes him lots of emotional pain. I think we’ll be good this year, but even if we aren’t, Odell will likely unveil lots of #urban #youth dances.


It’s gotta be spastically dancing to  Crystal Water’s “Gypsy Woman” as a kid (my parents were way into House, this is the song that sticks out in my childhood memories) or playing with my MC Hammer doll and watching the 2 Legit To Quit video. I pretty much every “Gypsy Woman” flip is hard (and there are TONS). As a little Robby, I wanted to be Hammer. I remember holding the doll in my hand and staring at the haircut like “I WANT A CUT LIKE THAT!”. It also came with a cassette….I definitely made my parents play the hell out of the tape. Now, my shirt is never really closed, just like Hammer. Those repeated listens of Crystal Water’s biggest hit has to have lead to me thinking Broke With Expensive Taste is a GREAT album.

I was MAYBE six years old, and my mom gave me a notebook to write in. Just to write whatever I wanted. It was night time in Williamsburg, and the sky was kind of always purple in the dead of night over there. It started raining, so  sat my bedroom window and watched the rain hit the glass. Next thing you know, I’m writing shitty poetry about raindrops. BOOM. WRITER IS BORN.

I highkey did not like writing until I was damn near…..17? My favorite English teacher convinced me I was good and I kept at it. Tons of random personal blogs later and it became real. Also, I never really went back to poetry, I might’ve written all of 4-5 poems in my entire life, it’s not really my medium. I put 2 poems on IG a few years ago to pretty good reception; I might go back to it soon, ya never know. I’m a romantic poem guy, I can’t help it.

You ever had one of those Big Bites from 7-11?

Ok, so, I sorta don’t understand what exactly this tweet is asking. I could ask for clarity but, no, clarity is not what we do here. I’m gonna guess this is a “how many women have you recklessly  let it off in” question. The answer to that would be 0, I am way too paranoid about my skeet to just let my meat Uzi off sans any sort of birth safeguard. I don’t have time for kids, that would really cut into my “lying on Twitter/eating buffalo wings” schedule. You Twitter people are #too #wild.

(Naw deadass, how do you people just leave it in women then go to sleep peacefully??? My nerves are too bad for that shit, the hell wrong with y’all)


I don’t really expect either team to end the season in the upper half of the Western Conference (what a mild ass take this was). I am not of the belief that Russ is just gonna go bonkers and turn into even more of a monster because now he’s “free” of the “burden” of the best scorer in the got damn NBA. I think the Thunder will have an ok season, but this “RUSS MVP!” shit is terribly overblown.

The Rockets have D’Antoni, Harden, Back From The Dead Eric Gordon, and Ryan Anderson. A lot of 3’s are getting a shot, a lot of running will be gunning, and no one is playing any defense. They GOTTA be a top 3 League Pass team off the strength. I don’t think they are gonna win a ton of games, but they are gonna beat more asses thank people think.

Thunder will have the better season as a team, but Harden will have the superior individual season. He finally has people to pass to who will actually make jumpers, as opposed to clanging the absolute shit out of them on national TV.

Biggest lesson I learned this year is that patience actually works. I frequently feel urges to make impulsive and poorly thought out decisions, to get what I want. In reality, just waiting, working towards something, and believing everything will align is enough. The point is: you have to do all 3. I wasn’t doing all three until late 2015. There are aspects of my life that are extremely aggravating, but I personally feel like I’m living the dream. I am well on the way to having whatever I want, and I have found most of the things/feelings/situations I sought after, because I was patient. I also recognized the important of improving yourself for the journey that lies ahead; there is a magic in getting ready for goals you can’t really see yet. Being ready so you don’t have to get ready is very very important.

This was fun. Let’s do it in another 3 years.


I’m always down to answer questions. So…..I decided to field questions about any and everything on Facebook/Twitter. If you want your question in the next few posts , tweet me  or shoot me an email (The Rob Report @Gmail dot com). You can also click the little bubble thing up there and comment too. Lets get into it……

Do you ever sniff your socks when you take then off ?sent by Dominique

How gross.

Yes , occasionally. And it smells like collard greens and despair. I don’t know what possesses me to do the nasty shit…But I do it. You do it too. ALL OF YOU!

As a darker man living in a society where the women’s love the nilla pie complected man. How do you pull the hoes??? – sent by Gerard

First off , he said hoes. NOT ME!

When I was like 15 , I was on the bus home from HS. These girls kept glancing at me and giggling. I thought nothing of it….cause I was ugly. Not “LOL” ugly….like…ugly (No I wont be showing you any pics!). So a few mins pass and I hear one of the girls say LOUDLY….

“He’s cute but he’s REALLY dark.”

Lowkey , this shit bothered me. Never thought my skin tone made a difference. I was never really conscious or “ashamed” to be dark.

Nowadays….being the same color as a PS3 is in! Luckily for me….I’m a black ass veteran. Been looking like fresh charcoal for a legit 4 years now…so I BEEEENNNN IN STYLE.

I’ve never thought of myself as super handsome or anything (I’m sort of a problem though. FAKE HUMILITY BE DAMNED!) But when it comes to women , over time I’ve come to understand that you just gotta chill. Don’t do too much. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy yourself and show that you don’t take everything too seriously.Showing some ambition never hurt me either. I guess that’s my approach lol.


first time you thought you were in love – sent by Kwame

What’s funny is Kwame is the first person I told about this moment.

It was recent. like within the last 6-7 months.

The next morning….She asked me if I wanted some tea and I tried a flavor I never had. I watched her make it closely in the kitchen then sipped it excitedly and headed back to her living room. I was sitting on her couch just watching her type away on her Macbook , updating the website she works for. A Miguel video was on (we are both big fans). So we’re sitting there discussing his Art Dealer Chic series of  EPs and I noticed I’m grinning. Like uncontrollably grinning.  I deeply appreciate her not pointing it out and making me feel lame about it. I’m right next to her , smiling watch this video , and watching her work in pure awe.

That’s the first time I felt I was in love. I didn’t know at the time but I felt “holy shit , I’m so happy and nothing is really going on.” Alas , we are no longer together but there was a lot of good in our relationship (or whatever it could be called at that time). I don’t dwell on the bad but the great parts definitely bring a smile to my face.

Until next time folks.