Mar 7 2013

quarters.

I’ve been 25 for a little over 2 weeks now.

I wasn’t even excited really. I had mixed feelings about it. Don’t get me wrong ; I was always happy to make it there (every moment above ground is to be appreciated.),but I didn’t see the big deal. I like the finer things and such but I’m really no fan of chest pounding , especially for something like “living another year”. I kinda got my head right maybe a week and a half before my birthday and said “Rob….this is a big deal.”

Not in the sense of the modern black man ideal of “I didn’t think I’d make it here.” I knew I’d be 25, even when my life was in danger. Ask anyone who’s faced their own mortality; you never wonder about the “future”. You just focus on the moment. The lesson that shitty experience taught me kind’ve got lost on me over time. I had a span where I found myself unable to appreciate the life I’ve lead up to this point and how great my reality is. For my own sake , a little bit before 25 I changed in a DRASTIC sense. This all coincided with me going “so what do you REALLY wanna do for your birthday?”

So , I set out to hit bars across the city with my squad. I left my job literally a week before my birthday (I’d express my thoughts on it here but I legally can’t. CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENTS FOR THE LOSS!) So , realistically , I’m inviting people from work who no longer see me every day , on Valentines Day Weekend on a cold night. My former coworkers and everyone else I invited had every right to not show face.To be very honest with you , I had no idea if anyone would really show up. If it would even be fun. Amongst other silly concerns.

At some point later in the night , on bar #4 , after roughly 15 people or so have come and gone in my little birthday posse….it hit me. People like and appreciate me. These are all people who matter to me and I’ve tried my best to express how much they mean to me ,even though I know I sometimes don’t do the best job of such. For so many people to still show (and attempt to show…I definitely gave out some horrible , drunken directions) meant so much to me. I woke up the next morning with a grin that wouldn’t go away. How lucky am I? I don’t even feel I’ve done enough for people to show me love like this but it’s deeply appreciated. To me 25 will represent one thing ; love. How much of it I get to feel. How much I give out. How much more I will experience. The craziness of life sometimes makes me lose all of this in the shuffle but I pledge to never forget moments like that night.

I say all of that to say thank you. If you came. If you didn’t come. If you told me happy birthday. It all matters to me , down to the smallest gesture. It’s all huge to me. I very vividly remember having absolutely no friends and feeling like a fish out of water every day. Now that my reality is so very different from that , I’m just thankful. That will be the key going forward….being thankful for every part of the process.

By Robby Rav.
1
Feb 21 2013

worth.

I got lost in New York. This happens all the time. Then my phone battery was on its last legs (don’t charge your 4S on an iPad charger folks). Luckily , I knew where the hell I was going. Just needed to find an L train stop and continue my shopping trip.

I somehow recognized where to go immediately and excitedly crossed the street. I got to the middle and my heart just sank.

I didn’t care about these things I bought. I needed all of them to varying degrees. But it suddenly meant nothing to me. I almost gave up on the last leg of my shopping in Brooklyn (I was coming from downtown Manhattan).

I kinda felt like….is this it? Money and shit I can buy? I won’t lie to you; buying clothes and such fills me with satisfaction at times. Possessions are cool but I felt….empty. Almost “guilty” when I shouldn’t feel guilty. But perhaps there are better places to spend my money?

But in reality it’s not even about the money. If life has taught me anything it’s taught me that everything is cyclical. You will have surplus ; you’ll have nothing. The thing is it always comes back around. I’ve been BROKE , waiting for those super measly Student Government exec board checks to appear. I’ve also been UP and bought all sorts of dumb shit with not a care in the world. I’m never irresponsible with money ; I just know at times you will have it and at other times you won’t.

Growing up as someone who had whatever I wanted…it kind of worked in the reverse for me. I wasn’t “spoiled”. I can appreciate the material. I just don’t feel its necessary nor am I moved by it. My goals have never really been about “how much money can I make/how many kicks can I buy/can I cover my entire forearm in watches?” All of that shit is fleeting. Love and appreciation from those around you and doing what you can to help is far more valuable to me. Always has been. I think I need to “help” more and offer more of myself to the universe.

Id like to touch a few lives and theres no gadget or silly trinket that can do that. It starts with me.

Feb 16 2013

…but really though.

You know what term/thought process always rubbed me the wrong way?

Sloppy Seconds.

Now…now before you judge and begin to wonder where the hell this is going , bear with me.

I always see or hear it used in the same instances.

Let me start with the worst.

The Phantom Sloppy Seconds

“Nah son I’m not doing it because I heard someone hit!”

“Who?”

“I dunno I just heard….”

(-_-). Not to air it out but a friend of mine just refused to even bother with a girl we both know who was throwing it to him on a go route. He had the corner beat by like 5 steps but he didn’t want that box touchdown. Because she is an alleged whore. That no one can verify. Oh.

He was clearly concerned that other PEOPLE we knew drummed her when in REALITY…they probably did not. He more than likely even USED the term sloppy seconds. Foolishness.

Don’t let some shit you can’t verify separate you from someone you’re interested in. If your energy is right , you can feel people out. You can tell who’s good for you and who just isn’t if you just….allow yourself to feel it. Always held true for me and I’m a regular dude. This isn’t just in a romantic aspect either.

Your Ex is getting plowed/plowing someone new and you are bitter Sloppy Seconds.

Now , you’ve either done this or know someone who did. You become aware that a past conquest/bae/boo/lover/wifeyyyyyy/hubbyboo has someone new. Perhaps you even know that person. You hiding those tears as you bark out….

“THATS AIGHT , THATS MY SLOPPY SECONDS! HE/SHE CAN HAVE MY LEFTOVERS!!!”

Your soul bleeding when you say that shit….but it sounds cool. You think you got the world fooled; you do not.

If you didn’t care , you wouldn’t say some extra salted popcorn shit like that. But it happens allll the time. Face it: someone will be after you just like someone was before you. Sometimes it’s tough to accept they’ve moved on; sometimes it isn’t. Either way….don’t play yourself like this! They are not your “sloppy seconds”. Just someone from your past. Now go watch a funny movie or something and lighten up.

and finally….

“That’s My Dude’s Old Jawn But She Bad Doe But He Said Its Okay So Yeah” Seconds

No. Just no.

If he liked her?? Like had feelings?? Don’t do this avoidable shit to yourself.

Dudes ALWAYS lie in this situation because they don’t want their friends to think they are “soft” or “cuffing” when in all reality….asking your friend to not penetrate someone you once/still love is….A PERFECTLY FINE REQUEST.

But thats hindsight. At 20 , this isn’t such a clear choice. After that though……the excuse disappears.

I can speak to this because I’ve been on both sides of . I passive aggressively said I had a problem with it as opposed to “FOH I’LL KILL YOU”…which is what I felt on the inside. Long story short , it didn’t really go anywhere cause he fumbled the cooch in the 4th quarter and I ended up exacting revenge indirectly in the future. BUT YEAH…… situations like these are bullshit from top to bottom. No idea if women end up in this sorta spot (and if so….lemme know in the comments.) To get back to the point , these type of “seconds” situations have far too many awkward subplots.

I’m not talking about you weirdos who share girls with your dogs. Unless you dunking groupies and yall popular or something this shit has always made me kinda cringe. I could NEVER and I LOVE my inner circle. We have plenty in common ; the same snooches is just two feet past where I wanna go. If y’all dont care and the person yall about to share doesn’t care…well shit….cook. JUST DONT ASK ME TO GET INVOLVED …YUCK MAN.

Before I go let me say this:

We are all Sloppy Seconds. Me. You. The girl who rung up your Funnyuns tonight. The bartender dude. Unless you 13 years old , whoever you meet has had someone else in the past. If that’s keeping you up at night….you have bigger issues at hand. No one wants untouched snow. Unless the prospect of sex being reduced to sliding up and down on top of a surfboard is your kind of scene. If it is……..cool. It’s 2013….Robby isn’t judging.

Jan 30 2013

real real late.

Being single when you weren’t (on again off again) for quite a few months is extremely awkward.

It’s not so much how drastically things change (although that sucks too). It’s more of the readjusting to the sort of tail-spin it puts you in. Before I go further , lemme say this: I didn’t get dumped. I ended it. Which kind of opens up a different set of feelings and circumstances which go from guilt , to melancholy , to anger until youre at peace with everything.

What’s been the worst part for me is that “washed out” feeling that splitting leaves you with. It kinda lingers. It’s not even that youre “sad”.We broke up in October ; I felt this way mid November. You just feel kind of “meh” towards a lot of shit. That kind of dismissive feeling towards things then in turn makes you question if you really like anything around you. I’m talking friends…books….games…things that bring you pleasure. Taking away something that somewhat kept you fueled forces you to look at yourself and your environment in a much more honest way.

It’s also kind of weird with women too. There’s the ones who dug me when I was involved and I either A) knew and didn’t entertain it nor did I care or B) I had no idea. The thing is I’ve always prided myself on giving you what you deserve as it comes to truth and facts. If they said “You dont talk to me anymore…” I very clearly said why that was.It’s not like I particularly ran back to ’em after being single either. I had no desire to do so (and my desire for such is up and down as we speak.). For the girls who I just “didn’t know” , it is what it is. Seeing eyebrows raise when I say “yeah that situation is over” then literally seeing the Thirstometer raise doesn’t really warm my soul. I’m not telling you to “up my stock” per se; I’m telling you cause it goes in the flow of the conversation.

As I kinda stumble through this point in life (right on time for me to feel weird and uncomfortable…I’m 25 on Feb 14th aka a lil over 2 weeks from now) , I’ve found myself cutting a lot of stuff out. I stopped eating so much bullshit ( I ate pizza like a Ninja turtle….its been weeks), don’t hang out with people I don’t like , don’t talk to people who bring me stress and idiocy etc. Reading and relaxing more. Looking for a new job…all of that.I think the key to me feeling more “stable” is whittling life down to things that matter and freeing myself of things that don’t. I’ve also been “praying” but not in the typical sense (Robby’s religious views= a whole other post). I also no longer entertain passive aggression. Before all of this , I was very much an “on the fence” guy. Since, I’m very clear on my desires and what point I wanna put forth. Not in this post though. I’m all over the place. Ugh.

Shit is weird right now. But bare with me. Just trying to take my time and feel everything out. I’d like to believe things are coming together on all fronts. As long as I continue to be mindful of who I am and what it is I want from life.

Jan 24 2013

appreciated.

So with INCREASING regularity , I find myself on Twitter. Scrolling my timeline. Being unproductive roughly 60 percent of the time. Ive noticed something…..

There is a completely ridiculous amount of arguments about super stupid shit.

Or make a foolish blanket statement about men or women or antelopes or people who eat apples.

I usually wanna argue with you and call you a moron or violate you.

When I originally thought this , the topic of the moment was gun control. Right now its Beyonce lip-syncing. In the morning it will be North Korea threatening to turn us into chalk dust.

Regardless , I’m no longer mad at people’s opinions or thoughts. As long as you have some sort of conviction and actually believe in what youre expressing.

Somewhere along the line it became cool to not give a fuck. In all seriousness….thats NOT cool. So I’m thankful that you even care enough to form an opinion or have a thought. You could just “no comment” everything but youre willing to stick your neck out there to express yourself. Thank you.

Now don’t get me wrong! If youre a troll , or the run of the mill “Devil’s advocate” tweeter , you are a clown. But if you’re being sincere , thanks for being such. Doesn’t just go for the internet either. No one cares. I’m down for you caring , even if we don’t agree.

And stop tweeting about eating butt. You weirdos. I don’t care how you feel about ass play!

Jan 10 2013

(0_0)

Saw this a few days ago at work when I was pretending to work.

This is what love feels like???? Help.

I mean Hadley St Dreams and True are both really good albums but even if she wasn’t rather talented I’d be groupie’d out. Smh.

Yes her sister is a musical icon but ya know(and rather hot in her own right) but…..whatever. This ain’t about that. It’s about chocolatey Solange *HEART EYES EMOJI HERE*

Lets break up the lust with an actual song.

(seriously. Go listen to True. And Hadley St Dreams. You’ll be glad you did.)